Why My Silence Was More Powerful Than My Words: Intentional Kindness

Lola Adeosun
Mar 20
4 min read

A real moment. A quiet decision. And a lesson in intentional kindness that changed everything.

https://youtu.be/w7O_3_rSIM4?si=0XPBKXwWMmza3UfG

The Room That Could Have Gone Very Differently

Some of the most powerful moments in life do not happen loudly. They happen in a single, quiet breath.

A few days ago, I found myself sitting at a table with nine clinicians. The topic was high-stakes. The energy was charged. And if I am honest, the egos in the room, including mine, were already warming up.

I had my arguments ready. I sharpened my point of view. I was prepared to hold my ground. And when the woman to my right began to speak, my instinct was to jump in. But something stopped me. And in that pause, everything changed.

The Pause That Held the Room

She was quiet and reserved, the kind of person who often gets overlooked in fast-moving meetings. But as she began to speak, it was clear she had something important to offer.

My instinct fired immediately. I started talking. I had a different viewpoint and I was ready to make it heard.

Then the table went dead silent.

You know that kind of silence. Heavy. Loaded. The kind where everyone holds their breath waiting for the clash to begin. I could feel the expectation in the room: that I was going to rival her, argue my case, and try to win.

And in that microsecond, I had a choice.

"Feed my ego, or lead with kindness."

I chose kindness. I turned towards her. I gave her my full, undivided attention. And I stayed quiet.

"The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause." — Mark Twain

What Intentional Kindness Actually Looks Like

In hindsight, I did not just stop talking. I changed my entire posture. I shifted the energy of the table silently.

That single moment, the turn of my head, the open expression, the deliberate stillness, sent a message that no words could have delivered. I was telling her, without speaking: you matter. Your voice matters. This moment is yours.

And by doing that, I did not lose the argument. I won her trust.

That is what intentional kindness looks like in real life. It is not passive. It is not weakness. It is a choice, made consciously, even when everything in you is pulling in the opposite direction.

The Emotional Intelligence Hidden in Silence

Emotional intelligence is one of those terms that can sound theoretical until you experience it in your own body.

But here is what it felt like in practice: I noticed the ego-urge rising. I felt the pressure to perform. I saw the expectation in the room. And instead of reacting to all of it, I paused and chose differently.

That is emotional intelligence: the ability to be aware of what you are feeling, what the room is feeling, and to act from intention rather than impulse.

To an outsider, it might have looked like I backed down. Like she had outplayed me. But on the inside, it felt like the most powerful thing I had ever done.

My silence was not a lack of opinion. It was an abundance of grace.

What This Means for How We Lead and Live

We live in a world that rewards the loudest voice. Meetings, social media, workplaces, even relationships, often operate as if being heard is more important than listening.

But here is what this moment taught me. Everyone has a voice. Not everyone has an audience. Sometimes the kindest, most powerful thing you can offer another person is your full attention. Not a clever response. Not a well-timed rebuttal. Just presence. Just space. Just the simple, radical act of letting them know: I see you.

That is not soft leadership. That is the hardest kind.

Three Practical Ways to Lead with Intentional Kindness

If this story resonates, here are three things you can try the next time you feel the ego-urge rising:

Pause before you speak. Even one second of deliberate stillness can completely shift your response.
Notice the room. Who is being overlooked? Who needs the floor more than you do right now?
Make a conscious choice. Not the reactive one. Not the impressive one. The kind one.

These are small acts. But practised consistently, they are transformational.

About Memriz

At Memriz, we believe that life is a continuous journey of experiences that reflect kindness and compassion, and that these experiences shape how we interact with one another, in our homes, our workplaces, and our communities.

Our mission is to help people live more intentionally, practise kindness in their own unique way, and create a positive ripple effect that reaches far beyond themselves.

Explore more at memriz.online